Does Elizabeth Holmes actually know who she is?

On Monday night, I saw You Can See Everything, and it is, hands down, one of the best films of the year. Nathan Fielder, Lance Oppenheim, and the entire team at A24 have delivered a true masterpiece in filmmaking and a unique, fascinating study of humanity.

The film, which I fully expect to walk away with at least one coveted Academy Award at the end of the season, delicately explores numerous topics, including honesty versus evasion, obsession versus drive, freedom versus control, love versus dominance, and money versus influence. It touches on the fragility of the human psyche and how developing a closeness to someone or something can impact your worldview.

If you don’t know, the film centres on Elizabeth Holmes, who, among many other descriptions, is a charismatic innovator at best and an insecure fraudster at her worst. She is responsible for the rise and fall of Theranos, a once multibillion-dollar company founded in Silicon Valley on the promise that an entire panel of bloodwork could be performed using just a drop of blood. After years of engineering, testing, and investment in her ideas, it turns out that’s all they were.

Elizabeth has since become the subject of countless books, articles, video essays, exposés, and the like, with one of the most famous portrayals being Hulu’s The Dropout. This fictionalized version of her life, starring Amanda Seyfried, explores who she is, what she claimed to have invented, and how she became a darling of Silicon Valley’s wealthy elite.

And after seeing You Can See Everything, I’m not sure it captures the whole picture.

But probably not for the reasons you think.

A little heads-up: I’m about to discuss some significant moments and surprises from the film. If you plan to see it and want to go in completely blind (which I’d recommend!), consider this your official spoiler warning.

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So, does Lizzie actually know who she is?

After watching a nearly three-hour film focused largely on Elizabeth and her life before heading to prison to serve an 11-year sentence for fraud, I was left with one juicy question: does she have her own identity?

She spends much of the film saying things like “I don’t know if I knew that,” seemingly blurring the line between fiction and reality with ease. She is, I'd say, one of the best examples of “delulu” in our modern era. But is that delusion born of ill will, self-preservation, or is she deeply misunderstood, even to herself?

Let’s take Amanda Seyfried as an example.

To my COMPLETE surprise, Amanda makes up a substantial portion of this film. By the end, I think you could walk away with a higher estimation of her as a person, or perhaps even a bit of disdain for her involvement. But here’s what stood out to me: Amanda seems sure of herself.

From the first frame she appears in, she comes across as someone who understands who she is, has conviction in what she believes, and, while seemingly polite, kind, and nurturing, is not likely to be swayed in her principles.

By contrast, Elizabeth seems manipulative and selective in the story she tells – even to herself – yet she also appears deeply influenced by those around her.

Now, of course, by virtue of the fact that we’re all here, sharing a planet together, we are all somewhat malleable in what we believe, how we behave, and the core values we adopt. One of the best aspects of being human is that we’re capable of change and evolution. Just because we believe something is right one day doesn’t mean we’ll necessarily think the same the next.

But at the root of it all, shouldn’t we have some understanding of where we stand, and why?

I’m not sure Elizabeth does. And...the fascinating thing is that she seems to have charmed her way into a life where the people around her are often willing to make those decisions for her (to her benefit or not).

I expected this documentary to uncover many elements of her perspective, including her unwavering faith in herself and dominant attitude. Instead, we’re met with a woman who, even in some of her darkest hours, appears surrounded by domineering forces that influence her decisions, while allowing her to perform as though she’s acting entirely out of self-conviction.

Keyword? Perform.

Take her longtime partner, Billy Evans, for example. Throughout the documentary, there are moments where his influence over Elizabeth's life and public image is, erhm...hard to ignore. He appears to have a hand in everything from how her story is told to who gets to tell it, and at times, I found myself wondering just how much of that Elizabeth was aware of, or had actually agreed to.

And that's what I find so peculiar. Here's a woman whose charm and conviction helped her convince some of Silicon Valley's wealthiest people to invest in her vision. Yet, watching the film, *in Carrie Bradshaw voice*, I couldn't help but wonder whether those same qualities had somehow helped create a situation where other people were making decisions for her.

Had she become so used to charming people into helping her get what she wanted that she'd lost sight of what she actually wanted in the first place?

Which brings me back to Amanda Seyfried, who is quite literally an actress. She has made a career out of becoming other people. Yet, throughout this film, she struck me as someone far more grounded in her own identity than the woman whose life she was helping to portray.

Truthfully (pun intended, ha!), I think that's what I found so strange about watching Elizabeth. For someone who appears so certain of herself, it's difficult to tell how much of what we're seeing is actually her, and how much is the version of herself she's become accustomed to presenting.

One of the film's more telling conversations is about telling a white lie. This is, obviously, a concept that isn’t foreign to most of us; we’ve all told the odd mistruth to spare someone’s feelings or play nice in public. Without giving too much more away, the discussion leads to a compelling exchange about what it actually means to tell the truth.

But that night, I went to bed and woke up the next morning with the same thought:

How can you tell your truth if you don’t know what it is?

What do you believe in? Where do you draw the line between right and wrong? Which parts of yourself are genuinely yours, and which have been shaped by the expectations of others?

These questions might seem arbitrary, but when was the last time you sat down and actually asked them of yourself?

In today’s world, especially, it’s so easy to be persuaded by what we see around us. We’re constantly absorbing opinions, advice, expectations, and carefully curated versions of other people’s lives. And while there’s value in being open-minded...I think it’s equally important to have a sense of self.

Sometimes that means asking the hard questions, or simply taking ten minutes out of your day to clear your mind of outside noise and tune in to yourself.

It is not selfish to know who you are or who you want to be. You’re allowed to form your own conclusions before external thoughts or opinions influence you. And, perhaps most importantly, there’s something admirable about having conviction and not simply floating in the wind in the name of love, service, or kindness.

People can fundamentally disagree with you and still respect you as a person.

Of course, knowing yourself doesn’t automatically make you a good person, just as being uncertain of who you are doesn’t make you a bad one. Moreover, Elizabeth’s apparent struggles with her identity don’t absolve her of the harm Theranos caused.

But after nearly three hours of watching her, I’m still not entirely sure who Elizabeth Holmes is...and, honestly, I wonder if she knows, either. Not the version of her she formed to raise money from investors, or the one she's adopted to protect her and her family from legal troubles. I'm not even talking about the version of her that seems completely besotted by her partner (who, by the way, I originally thought was her husband because he calls her "his wife," a favour which she does not return as they are not yet legally married, might I add. A relationship dynamic which I could write a novel about, to be honest...but I digress). The real, authentic her.

That’s what stayed with me as we shuffled into the car that evening, as I brushed my teeth, and I settled into bed...

Not the money, the lies, or even the extraordinary circumstances surrounding her downfall, but the possibility that someone could spend so much of their life constructing, defending, and adapting an identity that they lose sight of the person underneath.

Now, I don’t imagine many of us are walking around pretending to have invented revolutionary medical technology (at least, I certainly hope not!), but I do think we can recognize smaller versions of this in our own lives.

How often do we agree with something simply because everyone around us seems to? How many times have we downplayed a part of ourselves to make someone else comfortable? Or continued playing a role that, somewhere along the way, stopped feeling like us?

And at what point do those little compromises become the story we tell ourselves about who we are?

Funny enough, these are some of the very questions I had in mind when I was creating The Compass. There's an exercise in the journal called smoke and mirrors that asks you to think about the labels you've been given, the beliefs you've internalized, and the parts of yourself you might have hidden or minimized along the way.

Because sometimes, finding your way forward begins with questioning what you've come to believe about yourself.

For the record, I don’t think having a strong sense of self means knowing every answer, holding every opinion with unwavering certainty, or never changing your mind. Quite the opposite, actually. I think knowing yourself requires being willing to change your mind when you learn something new.

But I do believe there’s something incredibly freeing about recognizing your own voice amid everyone else’s.

And maybe, just maybe, that’s where we begin...✨

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A little gem to take with you 💎

Here’s a question I’d love for you to sit with this week:

How much of the person you are today reflects who you genuinely want to be, and how much has been shaped by who you’ve been expected to be?

There's no need to have a perfect answer. Perhaps just give it a little thought over your next cup of coffee or tea.

If you enjoyed this little exploration into identity, pop culture, and the wonderfully complicated experience of being human, I'd love to have you join me over at Little Gems, my newsletter from Like a Gem, delivered to your inbox every other Tuesday. It's where I share my thoughts, stories, reflections, and the occasional pop culture rabbit hole that apparently wakes me up at 5 AM. 😂

Until next time, stay curious, stay kind, and keep discovering all the beautiful facets that make you, you.

Yours truly,

Siobhan 🤎